Thoughts
by Hakurei Ryuu
Summary: What was it about them - about HER? - that had made him change so? drabblefic of Inuyasha's random ponderings.


**okay, so i like to get inside the heads of the chracters, and this is what i found. this is really just a series of stream-of-conciousness, one for each character. each chapter will be from another character's POV, and the chap is named after that person (cause it'll be written in 1st person). enjoy!**

**disclaimer: i could only wish i owned Inuyasha. i wonder how rich Ms. Takahashi is...**

Inuyasha

(A/N - of course he's first!)

i was dead. and then i wasn't. she killed me, then came back in another form to bring me to life again. as if i had been given a second chance to be with her, to make the right choices. i don't deserve second chances, but she keeps giving them to me anyway. why?

it's not as though i don't try. as a child, i wasn't even given a first chance. Kikyo didn't judge me, because we were the same, she said. she said we both had to hide our human hearts to stay safe, sane. but we both proved that it was easier said than done to ignore the urgings of the heart.

Kaguya tried to take my heart. i would have given it willingly too, but someone else already had it. _i love you as a half-demon, Inuyasha!_ i replayed what i could remember of that scene in my head for months afterward, still not entirely sure if i had heard correctly. and if i had, did she really mean it? how could she? no one loves a hanyou. that thought was drilled into my head often enough, but the lesson didn't sink in, obviously.

ironic how i had despised her in the begining. both of them. power was all i wanted, power to crush those who would do the same to me. but she wouldn't let me have the Shikon no Tama. just doing her job, i guess. one of the things i admired about her; her unwavering devotion to her duty. it was one of the few traits that both her and her reincarnation shared.

gods, the pair of them. so alike and yet so different. Kagome is younger than Kikyo and has shorter, thicker hair, but otherwise they look identical. the only thing different is the expression: Kagome is always cheerful, just short of bouncy, while Kikyo wears a much more somber expression. she has seen more, done more. she is older, wiser...

and dead.

i often wish i was dead too, but that would end my suffering and, hopefully, bring me happiness. i don't deserve happiness.

neither one ever asked me to choose, but...i don't know. i don't know anything anymore. all i know is that i love them. both of them.

Kagome. you understand me best, but why can't you understand that?

father left me a sword. i never knew him, but the fact that he hid his grave _inside_ of me says a lot. my brother use to want my sword, but he doesn't anymore. ever since i sent him flying with my first ever (second, if you count the time with Miroku) Kaze no Kizu, ever since that little girl started tagging along with him, he's stopped coming after me. for that reason at least.

Sesshomaru. i couldn't kill him. i knew that he would have given me an agonizing death were our places switched, but i just couldn't do it. he was the only family i had left.

well, maybe that's not true, not anymore. but i know i still wouldn't be able to do it. i hate him, but i can't kill him. he's family.

huh. family...

Miroku, if we don't kill Naraku soon, you're going to die. how can you stay so cheerful when you know that you only have a few years to live? in a way, i can kind of understand why you are...the way you are. living what life you have to the fullest. keh. you'll die sooner than even you expected if you keep that up...

i'm sorry. i didn't mean that. i rarely mean anything i say, it just comes out. i know how hard things are for you.

Sango, i more than anyone else understand your situation. Naraku destroyed your entire life and tore you away from your loved ones. and no matter what Kohaku has done, you will always love him. that's just the way it is.

Shippo. annoying little runt, but he's family too. next to useless, but he's always there for me. they all are, especially...

Kagome.

and so we come back to this. i can't get her out of my head, i would do anything for her, i _love_ her...

but i love _her_ too.


End file.
